This is the diary of a closeted gay teen. Here, I will post some of my life experiences living as a closeted gay teen. I am 20 years old, college student in Texas. Names and locations in my stories will be changed for privacy and so that I don't get "outed." Hope you enjoy!
Robert and I had lots of sex. Most of it was in his dorm. I would sneak out of my room late at night and sneak into his. We always were careful that no one saw us, specially the residence hall monitor. Our school is very strict about visitors in the dorms and the last thing that we wanted was to get caught.
Robert was a senior so around April I knew that our fun evenings were ending… A week before finals, we discussed that the next time we had sex might be our last one. He was graduating and moving to Chicago for grad school and I was staying at the same university to finish my undergrad studies. He told me that he wanted our last time to be special. He said that having our last sexual encounter in his dorm was too boring and risky. Around finals, the residence hall monitors did more rounds than usual to ensure silence for people who were studying.
A couple of days later he texted me that he wanted to see me. I knew that he was texting me to have sex. He told me to walk towards the parking lot nearest to his dorm. As I walked to the parking lot, I saw him driving towards me to pick me up. He stopped, parked, got off the car and opened the door for me. He even gave me a kiss before he closed the door. I was really scared that someone might have seen us but it was late at night and in the middle of the parking lot so I doubt anyone saw.
We drove towards the west part of town. He played and sang his Glee music as we got into the highway. I didn’t know where he was taking me.
“Where are we going,” I asked him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m just driving.”
He kept driving and driving. I tried to start conversation with him but it seemed as if he was not interested in talking. He finally got off the highway and began to drive into a parking lot of a hotel.
“You rented a hotel room?” I asked.
“No silly. We are having sex in the parking lot,” he said seriously.
“Oh no,” I remember telling him. The parking lot was fully lit and people were walking around. “Lets go find a darker place.”
He kept driving and he ended getting into a residential area. He drove for about 5 minutes thinking he would find a dark area but he ended up hitting a dead end on the road.
“What should we do,” he said. He parked his car at the end of the dead end street. He turned off his car but left his music on. He then reclined his seat. I didn’t know what to think. There were some houses near by and I didn’t think he’d want us to have sex there. I thought he wanted to think of other places he might know where we could have sex. I reclined my seat and began to sing along with the music coming out of the stereo.
“Are you going to miss me,” he asked me.
“Hmmmm…. No,” I said laughing.
“I’ll make you miss me,” he told me as he leaned over for a kiss.
He began kissing me softly. He would bite my lip every once in a while. I loved when he did that. I didn’t think he would want something else until he began to rub my pants.
I told him I was scared that someone would find us there. We were in a residential area after all. He didn’t tell me anything. He only kept kissing me and rubbing me. By this point I was fully erect. I let him slide his hand down my pants. He grabbed my dick and would touch my precum. He kept kissing me.
I pushed him back to his seat and asked him to push his seat even more back. I sat on his lap, or at least I tried. The space was very little. It was very uncomfortable. We tried making out in that position but it just felt awkward. He then told me to go to the back seat.
I jumped though the middle of the car and laid down. He got on top of me as he kept kissing me. At first I thought it might work. He began to take my pants and underwear off and I took his off. The space was still very small and it was still uncomfortable. He tried to give me head but the space in the car didn’t allow him to do so. We both were getting frustrated.
“Let’s go outside of the car,” he said. I didn’t know what to say. I just went ahead and did it. I exited the car hopping with my pants by my knees. I walked towards the end of the car where we were hidden from the street’s view. He came to me and immediately got on his knees and began to give me head. The sensation was incredible. The soft breeze felt good on my penis when he was sucking it. I kept looking back to see if any cars were passing by or if someone by the near houses was looking. No cars and no lights in the houses. It was late and I doubted anyone would be awake that late.
He continued to suck me and I began to get more nervous. I knew that he wanted sex and I knew that that would be our last time having sex so I wanted to please him. I told him to stand up and I turned around. I began fondling my anus hinting at him that I wanted him to fuck me. He pulled out a condom from his pocket and put it on.
He tried sliding it in me but it was too dry. He went to the car and got some lube and came back quickly. He applied the lube on his condom. I then got the urge to take his condom off. I had been having safe sex with him for a long time and we both had recently gotten tested. He had not had sex with anyone else since we started playing around and neither did I. I was going to let him fuck me bareback only because I knew it was going to be okay.
He finished putting lube on his penis and then began playing with my anus. He slowly inserted it. The feeling was unforgettable. Once he was completely in he stayed there for a moment. I wanted that moment to last forever. I picked up my leg a bit so that he could insert me better. he began to pull in and out slowly. The pain felt good. Knowing that he was inside of me made me feel great. He began to go in and out of me faster. The faster he went the better I felt.
He then hugged me. He put his face close to my ear and he began to talk to me. That was the hottest thing that we had ever done. He continued to go in and out of me as he kept hugging me. I wanted him to cum fast because I was afraid someone would see us and I am sure he did too. He began to press me harder indicating to me that he was about to cum. I told him to cum inside of me. He began to moan lightly into my ear. I moaned lightly so that he would have a better orgasm. He burst inside of me. I felt his hot cum inside of me. It was amazing. He kept hugging me as he pulled out. He then turned me around and began kissing me. He got on his knees and wanted to make me cum but I stopped him. The sex was so good that I didn’t need to cum. The sex was just perfect. We began lifting our pants and got back on the car.
He drove me back to school and on our way back we talked about how much we were going to miss each other. He dropped me off at the front door of my dorm and he gave me a kiss in the car. I wasn’t afraid of anyone looking. I just wanted to enjoy my last kiss with him.
P.S. This was not the last time we had sex ;) We met up months later and I will tell you the story also later ;)
Ever since I can even remember, I have fantasied about having sex in the shower. It is something that as I grew up I always would dream of. Being in the shower and having this hunk come into the shower with me and rubbing my back and then having some steamy sex. That is not exactly what I had but it was very similar.
The guy who I had been having encounters with, Robert, would always want for me to try something new. He was like my teacher in gay sex. He would teach me new sex positions, sex toys and even introduced me to gay porn sites that I will later discuss.
One night that he invited me over to his room to have sex, he asked me if there was something that I had wanted to do. I didn’t immediately say it but I ended up telling him that I had always wanted to have sex in the shower.
His reaction wasn’t what I expected. “In the shower? Why in the Shower.”
I couldn’t even explain why but that was my “fantasy.” I immediately saw that he wasn’t into the shower idea so we just kinda rolled along with it and simply had sex in bed.
The following day, while I was walking from class with my friends to the cafeteria I bumped into him in one of the courtyards at the university. We chatted for a while and then went our own ways. A little later I got a text from him telling me that I should meet him in his room before class. I knew he wanted to have sex but I wasn’t going to go in the middle of the day to go have sex because I still had class after lunch and I didn’t want to be all sweaty the rest of the day.
He insisted for me to go so like always I ended up in his room. As soon as I walked in he locked the door of his room and began to kiss me. He slowly began to remove my clothes as we kissed. We had little time so we wanted to enjoy the time we had.
Before I removed his pants he stopped me. He grabbed me by the wrist and took me to his restroom. I was so excited when he did that because I knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted me to have sex with him in the shower!
He continued to remove my clothes gently. He would slide his hand from my shoulders, through my back down to my ass and then he would grab my thighs. His touch was so sensual and exhilarating.
He turned on the shower and he jumped in it first. I got in and the water was nice and warm. He continued to kiss me and slide his hands though my back. The water added to the entire feeling of the situation. It was super hot.
He then turned me around, made me bend down and began to insert his penis into me. The water continued to fall on my back and I could just feel it slide down my body like he had slided his hands around my body earlier.
He began to go faster and the contact between my body and his would make a splashing noise. He began to go even faster and I felt like my fantasy was being fulfilled in its entirely. I began to feel like I was going to climax soon after so we slowed down so that we could enjoy the moment.
I turned around, got on my knees and began to give him head. I am not a big fan of sucking cock but the fact that he was fulfilling my fantasy made me want to please him the most as possible. Giving head in the shower isn’t as bad as other times that I have given head. To me it obviously feels cleaner and better.
After giving him head we continued to kiss and to rub each other. It was the hottest moment yet. I asked him if he could continue to fuck me so he did.
As I began to feel like I was about to climax I began to moan to indicate to him that I was about to. He began to fuck me faster and faster until I reached climax. Right after I did, he came also. It was one of the best sex experiences up to the moment.
The best part of the shower sex was the clean up! All we had to do was to add a little soap and we were fresh, clean and done. We both got out of the shower, dried up and changed to go back to class.
My fondest sex experiences are with the guy that I lost my virginity to. Like I mentioned in the stories before, he was only a friend that lured me into his room. His name was Robert. He was not the kind of guy that I would think I’d date but he “seduced” me and I had fallen for him.
After the first night that I was with him, I knew that he would want me to return. He didn’t ask me to see him the following day although we texted all day long. He kept asking me how I was feeling. I was a little bit sore and he told me it was normal.
“You need more practice,” he told me.
I tried to play hard and I told him that I didn’t want to do it for a while. He kept bugging me and bugging me until I accepted to just meet up with him to talk the following day. The next night, he sneaked me into the building again and took me to his room. His room’s light was off just like the first night and I knew he would want to have sex again.
“I just want to chill an talk today,” I told him.
“Yeah, me too.”
So we talked for a while. We talked about his plans after college. He was a senior who was about to graduate so he had planed to go live to Chicago to study law. He was top of his class at my school and he was the SGA president. That turned me on even more. The school that we went to was pretty small. Less than 2300 students attended. I kept fearing that someone would find out about him and me so I begged him to not tell anyone. He was out and he had many gay friends that I feared would find out about us.
“Don’t worry! I wouldn’t want anyone knowing I am having sex anyways,” he said. ” I don’t go around bragging about who I had sex with to my friends.”
That made me feel a little more comfortable. He made me feel so comfortable that we both laid in the bed just talking. He grabbed my hand and began playing with it with his fingers. After a while I began to get tired so I fell asleep. Around 20 minutes later I woke up to him kissing me. It felt so surreal. I felt wanted, and by a man. Totally turned me on. He kept kissing me and before you knew it I was on top of him.
I felt his hard penis though his jeans. We continued to kiss and he began to undress me. I took his clothes off too and we continued to kiss. His lips were so perfect. I loved kissing him. He began to kiss my neck but I immediately stopped him. The last thing that I wanted from him was a hickey so I wouldn’t let him get near my neck. I also got very ticklish whenever he got near my neck with his lips. He then pulled out a condom and asked me to put it on him. After putting it on and applying some lube on it I grabbed his penis and neared it to my ass.
I thought I’d be ready but I was still very tight. I still was a bit sore from the first time so he told me to take it slow. So we did. I sat on it and went very slowly down. I had to stop several times to take a breather because the pain was there. But after he was all the way in me I felt different. I felt it was right. I felt pleasure.
So I began to go up and down faster, but not too fast. There was still some pain, but now it was more pleasurable. After a couple of minutes in the same position he told me he wanted to try other positions. He flipped me over and we began to do it “doggie style.” I couldn’t believe it. I just kept thinking of all the porn that I had watched and now I was doing it. While he was fucking me this way I began to feel like I was about to cum.
I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t last long! Whenever I masturbated it could take me a good 30 minutes before I felt like ejaculating but having sex made me want to ejaculate after only 5! So I told him to slow down. He told me he liked to make me cum so he put me laying down with my feet over his shoulders and he began to drill me just like the last time when he made me ejaculate in the same position. This just brought me to my climax and I came again without ever touching my penis. It was incredible. He came shortly after and he pulled out and threw the condom in the trash can. He let me wash up quick and he told me to get back in bed. We simply laid there with him hugging me and we talked until we both fell asleep.
It was so crazy! I couldn’t believe what was happening. I soon woke up and told him I had to go back to my room. I didn’t want to have to explain to my roommate why I was coming into the room at 3 of the morning on a school night. He was a brother of my fraternity and we were somewhat close so I’d hate to have to come up with something to cover it up. We promised to see each other again. That made me really happy. The rest of the times I was with him were great experiences also.
Thanks for all the feedback! I am surprised that many followers are females! Gotta love them girls! Send me a message or a comment! I love talking to y’all :)
I never thought that I would ever be in a long distance relationship. There is a saying in Spanish that goes “Amor de lejos es amor de pendejos,” which pretty much means that long distance relationships are for idiots. At times during my online relationship I did think that I was being stupid.
As you might have read on my previous post, I met a guy on Dailybooth.com that became my first boyfriend. Apparently I am not the only one that has found love on this site. I have talked to many people who have told me that they have met and dated people from this site. In my very unscientific research, I found that most of these people dated online because they couldn’t be themselves out in the world.
The Internet became there safe-heaven and there were able to date whoever they wanted without being criticized. I was one of these people. I didn’t really want an online relationship. I didn’t want my boyfriend to live thousands of miles away from me. I wanted to be able to hug him, kiss him, and yes, fuck him. But due to my situation, I was not able to date in my hometown. Even if it was on the down-low I would have risked to be outed. I could not take that risk. So when someone payed attention to me online I fell and I fell HARD :/.
His name was James but he went by Junior. He was Spanish/Filipino/American/Canadian. He was a complete juicy goodness. He also was a closeted gay teen and he was only a year older than me. From the moment I met him I couldn’t stop thinking of him. He followed me on all of my social networks and I followed him back.
We communicated with each other in every way possible. He was from Canada so we couldn’t just text each other so we sent each other messages through twitter. We were friends for a long time before he asked me to officially be his boyfriend. Before he asked me, I had said that I would never have an online relationship because I though it wouldn’t work, but the night he asked me, I jumped in surprise and excitement and told him yes while I kissed the screen of my computer when we were skyping.
Being a closeted gay teen made it difficult for me to meet other gays in my hometown and hang out with them. I had no one that I could trust or talk to so I ended up just talking to my dog. I would just be silly and tell him how school was going and how I liked a certain boy and what not.
Everything began to change about two years ago. Quickly after admitting that I was gay, I found that there were many other gay teens in the same situation I was in. I met many of these guys and girls in the wonderful website Daiybooth.com :)
On this website, I was able to express myself freely. I was able to flirt with boys without having to worry that I would come across someone that I knew. I never went to the site expecting to find the love of my life. I simply went on it to talk, to vent, to see how other teens dealt with the fact that they couldn’t be themselves in real life because they were closeted gay teens.
I ended up uploading every single night. I would spend countless hours talking to people on Dailybooth. We exchanged Facebooks, Tumblrs, Twitters, Skypes, Messengers, iChats and some even phone numbers. I grew an entire new group of friends, a group of friends that I became closer to than my friends in real life.
One night, I came across a rather cute guy. He was wearing a hoodie sweater and he simply wanted to talk. He was not the picture perfect six pack hottie but he was very attractive. He looked asian and that is my weakness, asians.
We talked for a couple of weeks and then from one day to another without saying anything he was gone. To me it seemed weird. I felt we had a good connection so I wondered why he stopped boothing.
About 4 weeks later I got a message on dailybooth from him. It said “Hey boy, When will I get to skype with you? I miss you.” I was so excited! Little did I know that he would become my first “boyfriend.”
More on that story later :)
Let me know how your liking the stories :) Send me a message! I love talking to y’all.
Get the stories on:
or send me an email @ firstname.lastname@example.org
Losing my virginity was not too exciting. I didn’t plan to or expected to lose my virginity that day but it simply happened.
It all started one night while I was at my dorm in college. I was online on Facebook when I got a message from a gay guy at my school who I knew pretty well. He did not know I was gay but I am sure he thought I was. I lied to him and we would talk about the girls that I had dated. I told him that I was raised in a very conservative family and that I was still a virgin waiting for the right girl at the right time. He was very open to me and told me that he was attracted to me. That made me feel attracted to him. He kept bugging me about many different things including him telling me that he wanted to give me a blow job.
Of course I wanted him to give me a blow job but I pretended like what he was saying was the grossest things ever. He continued to try to convince me by telling me that lots of straight guys like to be blown by gay men, because of the entire “no strings attached” thing supposedly. He even told me that some of my brothers from the fraternity had been with him! I couldnt believe that at all.
So he kept bugging me for the longest time until I said “Fuck it! I will just do it.” So I told him that I was down for him to give me a blow job and thats it. He told me not to worry about it and that he would be very discreet. I was so afraid that he was going to tell people about it. He was graduating in about a month and he had nothing to lose if he told people that he blew me.
But never the less I went to the building he lived in and he sneaked me into his room being careful that no one saw us. Inside his room I didn’t know what to do. I had already been with other guys and we had masturbated but never with someone that I knew in real life if that makes sense.
So I sat on the bed and he told me to make myself comfortable. I took off my shoes and by that time he was already on his knees touching my thighs. I believe he wanted to me to get hard but the thing was that I had been hard since we had our conversation on Facebook.
“Man you are ready for me to suck you off,” he told me when he saw that I was hard.
I didn’t know what to say to that so I just remained quiet. He began to lick the top of my dick and then ban to suck me off. I wanted to keep pretending that I was straight and that it was a little bit gross by not wanting to touch him with my hands. In reality I wanted to grab his hair and make him suck me faster. The feeling was great! It all felt wonderful.
It all felt so wonderful that I made him stop, grabbed him by the face and brought it close to mine and I told him I was really gay. He seemed confused so I repeated it to him.
“I am really gay.”
He then smiled, leaned closer and began to kiss me…..
(Part 2 will be up soon)
(First off sorry for not posting in 2 weeks but I was on vacation)
Being a closeted gay teen is not easy at all. Constantly I have to “protect” my gayness and be careful not to be outed. But being a closeted gay teen does not mean that I don’t get to have some fun. In addition, there are tons of guys online who are in the same situation that I am in and that like to just talk.
Tumblr, Facebook and Dailybooth were my initial sites where I connected with other gay teens. After I lost my virginity and that person left the city I lived in (that story will be on my next post) I began to seek other people on hookup sites which isn’t good at all. I liked to feel other men in my arms and that is the only reason why I did it.
Doing all this was very dangerous. I had to put a password on all of the things that I used to make sure that none of my friends would stumble into one of my conversations with a guy or something. My computer, phone and iPad all had passwords and no one was ever allowed to borrow them.
I used to have a roommate and I would wait till he fell asleep to sneak out and meet guys. Now I don’t really hookup with guys anymore but I continue to be in the closet.
I used to lie to my friends and tell them that family was in town to skip from going to the clubs because I never wanted to go because I hated having to pick up a girl at the club to just dance.
I try to not make public gay friends because I am afraid that my gayness will come out when I talk to them and they would immediately know I’m gay.
I joined a fraternity and became president of my fraternity. Not something typical that a gay guy would do so I went for it :P
I have only come out to four of my closest friends and I think for now that is good. I haven’t told any of my family that I am gay simply because I don’t feel that it is the right time yet. Maybe in a year or so when I graduate from college and I become truly independent I will be able to tell them. Coming out of the closet will definitely change the dynamics of the relationship that I have with my family. But I will deal with that when that time comes.
Sorry that this post is kinda lame but just felt you should know some of these details for the stories to come. My next story will be about how I lost my virginity :P
I can remember the first time a touch another guy’s penis like if it was yesterday. I was in 8th grade and I was still doubting my sexuality although I knew I was attracted to guys. I had a friend who lived down the street who I always hanged out with. He was in the school’s soccer team and he was pretty hot. His name was Javier and he was in my gym class. It all started when I first got a glimpse of his penis in the locker room and here is the story.
One day after our gym class we were in the locker rooms changing from our gym clothes. We had just finished doing some laps around the indoor track that we had at our middle school. The entire class was changing like any other gym period but this time I dared myself to walk into the showers.
Never before had I walked into the showers because I was too embarrassed to walk naked around a group of guys. I was too afraid that I would get an erection once I walked in. So this time around, I wrapped a towel around me and decided to take a peek ;) There were about five guys that were taking a shower including Javier. I looked at it for a while, by it I mean his penis, until I catched myself just staring at it. And guess who was staring at me. Yes, Javier was. Immediately I left the showers and changed to my regular clothes and walked out of the locker room.
Javier never confronted me about me staring at his penis. He never mentioned anything and we still would hang out like normal. About a month after I had seen him naked, he was at my house playing video games just like any other time that he would be at my house. We ended up somehow talking about Playboy magazines and how his brother had a stash of them in his room.
We ended up going to his house to look at his brother’s magazines. We simply were flipping though the magazines when all of the sudden, he began to rub his pants. I couldn’t help but look at him doing that. He then catched me looking at him and he told me to put his hand inside his pants.
At this point I felt really awkward. We were in his brother’s room looking at a Playboy magazine and he wanted to get his dick touched. I really wanted to do it but I didn’t want him to think I was gay.
I said something along the lines of, “No I cant do that, that is gross.”
He then replied, “Its not like you didn’t like looking at it in gym class. Don’t worry its not gay to touch a guys dick.”
WTF! How can it not be gay to touch another guy’s dick! Anyways I went ahead and did it. He loosened up his pants and grabbed my hand and made me stick it in his underwear. He was very hard. He just made noises and closed his eyes as I began to move my hand lower towards his balls.
As I kept moving my hand around I began to freak out. Will he tell people we did that? Was I gay?! I removed my hands from his underwear and told him that I should probably go home.
I ended up going home thinking of how great that was but how scared I was that someone else would find out. We never talked about that time and we continued to hang out like we used to. Later I will put up anther story about him that has to do with more dick touching ;)
It was my last few days as a fourth grader when I remember deciding to tell this girl named Jessica that I liked her. I have to admit that she was not the prettiest girl in the class but her personality was great. I loved being around her. Every time we had to pair up with someone I wished it was with her.
That day, the entire classroom was helping to clean up the classroom since we were nearing the end of the school year. The teacher had boxes of papers that we all had to go through and throw away. Physical Education time came quickly and the entire class had to go to the gym. My teacher allowed Jessica and I to stay behind and continue to help clean the classroom.
Everyone left for the exception of Jessica, my teacher and I. I remember having so much fun packing with them. We were organizing some of the teacher’s books and putting them in packing boxes. Jessica and I were laughing hysterically just having fun. When we were finished we went to the gym for P.E. class and that was the end of that day.
I can’t remember if it was immediately the day after or a couple of days after that day that I decided to tell her that I liked her. We had had so much fun that day that I just figured that if I told her it would make things better. The year was coming to an end and I didn’t want to go to break without telling her.
So when we were coming out of lunch, I decided to tell her.
“Jessica, I like you,” I said.
“I like you too,” said Jessica, “but just as a friend.”
“Why just a friend?”
“I cant like you like that,” she told me. “If I like you like that then Gustavo wont like me like that.”
I don’t remember what happened after that but I do remember feeling very jealous. I couldn’t believe she had rejected me. But I did begin to start looking closely at Gustavo. This was the first time ever that I actually began to pay attention at a guy. I remember imagining him naked and immediately I tried to snap that image away from my head. Little did I know that for many years to come I would imagine all the men that walked by me naked.